Making the decision to file for divorce with a divorce attorney is never easy. Under the most amicable circumstances, the process of separating from a spouse can take a toll on all parties involved. This is especially true for divorcing spouses who have children.
If you are considering filing for divorce, one of your primary concerns is how you are going to break the news to your children. Like most divorcing parents, you want your children to thrive long after the divorce papers have been signed.
Breaking the News to Your Children
Telling children about a pending divorce will be challenging because it will be one of the most difficult conversations that you will ever have. After all, your children will be disappointed and hurt by the thought of their parents living in separate households.
Although your children may initially be upset by your announcement, your conversation does not have to be one of doom and gloom. Here are 9 things you can do to help to more gently break the news to your children that you are getting a divorce.
1. Plan the conversation.
Any reputable divorce lawyer will tell you that you should not approach the divorce topic with your children without a plan. This is not a conversation that should be left up to chance or improvisation. When you speak with your children, be sure to touch on the following topics.
- The divorce is not their fault.
- They could not have done anything to make you and your spouse stay together.
- You and your spouse will always love them.
- The separation will not change the fact that they will always have access to both parents.
By planning your conversation, you can be sure to address topics that are important to your family. An effective conversation will make for a smoother transition into the next phase of your life.
2. Expect your children to have various feelings that might not be expressed during the conversation.
According to therapists, children may react in a multitude of ways when they are told about the divorce. Some children may cry and throw temper tantrums. Others may seem to be unbothered by the news. Whatever feelings your children express, it is important to affirm them.
3. You and your spouse should share the news with your children together.
Regardless of the feelings you have for your spouse, this is the time to come together for the sake of the children. This conversation is not about you or your spouse’s well being. During the conversation, you must attempt to be amicable and refrain from playing the ‘blame game’. By putting aside any grievances, it will be easier for you to handle the divorce proceedings with your Fort Worth divorce attorney.
4. Tell all of your children at the same time, but have a discussion with each child separately after the initial conversation.
It is better to share the news with all of your children because you do not want them to get the news from other sources. Since each of your children will handle the news in their own unique way, it is important to speak with each child individually. This will help you determine ways in which you can be supportive to each child.
5. Welcome questions from your children.
Even if you have the best divorce attorney, separating from your spouse is a confusing time for all. In order to help your children gain clarity about the process, be sure to answer any question from your children. These are some of the questions that you can expect your children to ask.
- Are we going to have to change schools?
- Does a divorce lawyer determine where we will live?
- Will all of my friends know?
- Where are we going to live?
- Will we still be able to participate in our after school activities?
- Are you and your spouse angry at them?
- Will all of the children live together?
According to experienced divorce attorneys, children will have questions about the divorce for a while. It is important for you to be patient with your children as they learn to accept their new living arrangements.
6. Avoid sharing sordid details with your children.
Your spouse may have left you for another person, but this is not the time for you to share this with your children. Any topic that is inappropriate for children should be avoided. The primary focus of this conversation is to ensure the well-being of your children is not aired by your marital dirty laundry.
7. Schedule the conversation for a time when you are emotionally ready.
From despair to rage, divorce can conjure up all types of emotions in the divorcing spouses. It is important to keep your emotions in check during the conversation.
8. Refrain from sharing the news with your children on special occasions.
If there is a graduation or birthday celebration that is near, most divorce lawyers would advise you to wait until the occasion is over before you break the news to your children. You do not want them associating the divorce with their birthday or graduation for years to come.
9. Share concrete plans about the future with your children.
Divorce can be a time of insecurity for children. It is important for children to know they will be okay after you and your spouse have parted ways. Provide your children with details about what they can expect moving forward. This will help your children be able to look forward to a brighter future.
Need a Dallas Divorce Lawyer? We Can Help!
At The Law Offices of David S. Kohm, we understand divorce is a sensitive situation. We invite you to contact our offices for a free consultation to learn how we can help you and your family during this challenging time.
